Getting on a bit

Louis: 'When we're retired and we have all the time in the world. ..'

Jenny: 'I'll kill you and bury you in the garden.'

ET eh?

Louis: 'I reckon we'll be home at 8.'
Jenny: 'I'll check google maps.'
Jenny: '19:59'
Louis: 'Ha, good, aren't I?'
Jenny: 'You're wrong. '

Tee hee shirt

Louis: 'My Aldi merino shrunk in the wash.'
Jenny: 'Great, now it fits.'
Louis: '..er no? It was medium,  now it's small. '
Jenny: 'Yeah, but you're small and a half.'

Blubbering

Louis: 'I'm cold,  do you think it's cos I'm skinny? '
Jenny: 'No fatty,  it's cos you're a little pouf.'

Moments like dis

Jenny: 'You're a little doyle aren't you? '

Jenny: 'You live your life from one puerile moment to the next. '

Yawn spawn

Jenny (reading the map): 'Borr Rock, that's where you were born - get him out, he's boring me.'

DJ Barista

Jenny: 'There's even some decks in the other room.'

Louis: '...erm they're not decks.'

Orange wristbands should have got out 1,000 years ago

Jenny: 'Do you want to go to the Arab Baths?'
Louis: 'I haven't brought my trunks.'
Jenny: 'No Louis, it's an ancient monument.'

Secret code

Louis: '...anyway you walked on the wrong side of the road when that car came.'
Jenny: 'Well it was safer.'
Louis: 'You're supposed to face oncoming traffic on a dark road, so you'd be safer where drivers expect you.'
Jenny: 'Louis the only people in the world who know the Highway Code are you and the Famous Five.'

Me man - ugh

Louis: 'This weekend I put the bathroom blind up, replumbed the kitchen waste, installed a key safe, took all the rubble to the tip twice, went to Screwfix, finished the extractor ducting and fixed the fridge door.'

Jenny: 'Yes Pumpkin.'

Words of prey

Jenny: 'I saw 3 Peregrines up here yesterday, I stood and watched them for ages.'
Louis: 'Really? What were they doing?'
Jenny: 'Flying.'

A salt

Jenny spilt half a jar of coarse-ground black pepper on my lunch. Scraped most of it off and ate it.

Louis: 'Are my teeth peppery?'
Jenny: 'What teeth?'

Plumping

Jenny: 'What are you doing?'
Louis: 'My pillow's too fat.'
Jenny: 'Your head's too fat, go to sleep.'

No ped

Louis: 'I'm getting a moped.'

Jenny: 'We need to discuss that. You are not getting a moped, that's the end of the discussion.'

Oh

Louis: 'Oh, is there another brew on the go?'

Jenny: 'God, you're so demanding, pass me those lemons, now.'

Shared halved

Louis: 'You know what your problem is?'

Jenny: 'You.'

C'est chic

Louis: 'Why are you trying to make out like I'm a freak.'
Jenny: 'Why are you trying to make out like you're not.'

E = mc squared when Jenny's on the mic

Louis: 'Energy is released in the form of gamma photons in the annihilation of  matter such as in collision between particle and antiparticle.'

Jenny: 'You're an uncle particle.'

Say what?

Louis: 'My tinnitus is really loud today.'
Jenny: 'I know, I can hear it.'

Battered

Louis: 'Look there's not even enough raspberries for my pancake now, you've nicked them all'
Jenny: 'Well, I'm just going to have to get you in a massive headlock. '